A different truth

by maria

The surrounding atmosphere at this time in which a big issue is hinted at: rape, which can happen to both women and men, essentially invites anyone who was “hiding” in relation to it, to speak up. So I decided to stop “hiding” and talk about my own experience, which falls into two categories that I think have not been yet discussed. These two categories are: rape by our sexual partner and rape under the influence of alcohol or other substances (rape pill or other substances that can cause coma). When I was 15, my first boyfriend, whom I had known for two weeks, told me to go to his house for the first time. I remember telling myself that if something more was about to happen, I would not allow it. Intending to keep it to anything less than sex. I was never given the opportunity to express my intentions, as within about half an hour of us going to his house and after he had poured me a glass of alcohol, I started talking absurdly and I had completely lost control of my body. Slowly I fell into a big black out from which I remember only one scene: him, naked above me. When I got up (meaning I crawled on all fours) I went to vomit without being able to, actually, do it since I had not drunk that much. Then he asked me for other things too, as he considered that I was, typically, conscious enough and could satisfy the rest of his appetites. Then, his parents, although they had seen that I was not well, as I had photophobia and could not walk because I did not have control of my body, chose to throw me out of the house without trying to help me. Finally, my “boyfriend” made sure I would not return home that night, and continued to do what he wanted on my body, by establishing this behavior. Without any previous experience in the sexual field and considering that because we are in a relationship I have to accept his behavior, it took me about a year to realize what had happened to me. The worst part,was our friends, to whom he -confirming that he was not drunk- mocked me by saying that “I was barking like an animal” (obviously because it hurt me and I had no control over my reactions). So when someone says that in a friend- group, you would think someone would show some interest in me, something that did not happen in my case. This experience, I am sure, has happened to other girls or boys. By sharing this, I hope that other people too, who may be in a similar situation realize that it is rape, even if it is from your so called boyfriend and it is rape even if you want it when you are sober, because from the moment you loseyour senses, you cease to give your consent. Anonymous

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